Asides

Chess

Can I be real with you guys for a second? I’m having a hard time with 2020. It’s frustrating building a business like I’m playing checkers when I’m so much better at chess. It’s exhausting getting online and seeing the constant stream of news updates and conspiracy theories and outrage and division. It’s heartbreaking seeing the number of lives that have been lost this year. The pain behind BLM. The stress I see so many going through of job loss or financial hardship or just straight-up depression. 2020 is HARD so far. But I have a lot of hope that things will get better. I can’t tell you guys the number of morning meetings I’ve ran or books I’ve read that discuss that, in order for there to be real change, there must be pain. It’s the truth, right?

I grew up in a generation that knew the world wasn’t perfect. I also grew up in a generation where it was easy for us to all have our own independent lives and identities and MySpace songs. The “Me” generation LOVED how unique we got to be. However, maybe it’s taken 2020 to remind us that, while yes we are all different, we are also all the same. We all get scared and sad and angry. We all feel alone and insignificant and not enough sometimes. So that’s my hope for all of us- that we can use 2020 to learn how to love and support and protect and stand-up for each other more. That maybe we’ll realize if a pandemic can change this much in 6 months, imagine how much we can do if we fight our fight for equality and growth and love and respect for generations.

2019

New Years are typically all about starting off fresh, but I have some things I started in 2019 that I’m excited to take into 2020 with me. Here are 3 of them:

1. Offering to take a picture of the couple at the nearest table to me. With Nelson in Reno for the last half of this year, I started going out to eat by myself 1-5 times a week (lol). One of the things I started doing right before leaving was checking to see if there’s a couple nearby and casually asking if they want me to take their photo. My favorite couples to do this for were middle age and older ones- I always got such a surprised and grateful reaction for such a simple gesture. I guess couples in that demographic don’t get photos together as often.

2. Becoming a regular in my favorite places. I’ve spent so much of my late teens and early twenties moving around that I never had the opportunity to become a “regular” really anywhere. This year, I did- everywhere from my nail spa (Pamper) to my hair salon (Salon Bravissimo) to my favorite happy hour spot (Allora) and restaurant (Beast and Bounty). It’s a nice feeling to walk in someone and be warmly recognized (and if you want to become a favorite regular, make sure to tip well!).

3. Waking up early and enjoying my morning routine. I’ve been a morning person for the past few years now, but this year I took it to a whole new level. To say I “savor” my morning would be an understatement. From my morning runs with Chester before the sun rises to my homemade breakfast and black tea from Phil’z across the street to the HUNDREDS of podcasts, audiobooks, and videos I had the chance to listen to during the 2.5 hours I spend each morning warming up for the day, this is definitely a habit I’m taking with me into 2020.

Another Day, Another Lesson

I was conducting an interview today with a woman about 35 years old. She spent the majority of her time answering my questions with stories about how she is “sick of going job to job” and “living paycheck to paycheck”. She told me that she had a family to provide for and wants to be able to do so much more for them. When I got to the point in the interview where I asked her where she saw her career going five years from now, she paused. After about ten seconds, she looked back up at me and responded with “you know, I’ve never thought about having a career before. I’ve only ever had jobs. But I guess that would be nice, to have a career. I guess I’ll have to think about it”.
I was hit with the instant realization of how PRIVILEGED I am to have grown up in a setting where I was ALWAYS encouraged to think and dream and plan for what I wanted. Even now, I often forget that having the time and mental capacity to set goals and then having the energy and the drive to actually achieve them is a LUXURY. And it is one that I am eternally grateful for.
That being said, I think there’s a lot of us out there that don’t take advantage of our options. If you’re not where you want to be right now- in your career, or your relationship, or your financial situation- take an hour or two (or four) this week and really get in touch with what you want your life to look like. What type of clothes you want to wear everyday, what type of work you want to do, what kind of impact you want to have. Don’t let yourself go another decade working jobs for other people only to realize that you have no idea where you want to go next. Life is too short. You are capable of too much. Don’t settle. 

How I Went From Someone With Zero Intuition to Basically Being Psychic  

For the past 5 years, whenever I have been asked what my biggest weakness is, my answer has been “Intuition”. I fully believed that intuition was something you were born with- you either have it or you don’t- and I fell into the category of the latter. I thought that, maybe, I was just too optimistic for my own good- I couldn’t help but see the best in people. I thought that, maybe, I was naturally too analytical to base my own opinions or decisions on a “feeling”. And I knew that I was simply wrong- a lot– whenever I listened to my gut. So I figured that I just wasn’t one of those “intuitive” people.
I was wrong. Looking back now, it’s very clear to me that my lack of intuition had nothing to do with my inherent skills and everything to do with my lack of self-esteem. Somewhere along the lines, I had stopped trusting myself. I had been the one to quiet my gut, and I had been the one who decided it wasn’t worth listening to in the first place.
The past year for me has primarily been one of healing and growth. I’ve developed new routines (like weekly therapy, daily exercise and meditation, alone time, and a diet largely consisting of fruits and veggies) and, in the process, I’ve developed a deeper level for respect for myself. And my intuition? It’s impeccable. I can predict the craziest things now, like the exact amount of wait time at a restaurant, the next sentence someone’s going to say, and even when someone’s pulling into the office without so much as a window to check through. It’s a level of awareness that I used to be SO envious of, but never believed it was something I could obtain. 
I have been a long-time subscriber of the “hustle” mentality, and while I CERTAINLY value hard work as much as I ever have, I know now that it’s not enough to just work hard on achieving goals. You have to hustle for your SELF. You have to work hard at taking care of yourself. Of loving yourself. At paying attention when you need a break and then having enough grace to take it. You have to work hard at your relationships. At your health. At developing hobbies and finding things to look forward to and ways to give back. And the best part? Most the time it doesn’t feel like work. It’s fun to build healthy relationships. It’s fun to take bubble baths and read books outside and eat food that makes you feel good. But it’s still work. And, if you ask me, I think it’s some of the most important work that you can do. 

I Am More Than a Scorecard

Can I make a confession?

I’ve started going to therapy.

Anyone that goes to therapy will tell you that you should go. That it will change your life and help so much and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. People say those things because it’s the truth, and I absolutely 100% agree wholeheartedly.

Can I confess something else?

I’ve realized that one of the biggest challenges I face, now and as a child, is that I am INCREDIBLY results-motivated. Growing up, this resulted in me winning a lot of basketball grades and getting excellent test scores. Growing into my career, this resulted in promotions and successful ventures and running profitable businesses. And, somewhere, along the lines, I started measuring my weight as a human being based on what I had achieved, and not necessarily on who I have become.

Well, that’s not how that works.

So- here is my new proclamation.

I am more than just what I achieve. I am not just a scorecard of wins and losses or even a running tally. I am, just as much, what I think and believe and dream of and hope for. I am what I do, how I treat others, what I stand up for, who I empower and encourage, and when I choose not to quit even when no one would blame me if I did. I am intelligent and creative and thoughtful and strong, and all of those traits are equally as important as being successful or beautiful or popular or wealthy.

It’s not up to anyone else to determine my worth, but it’s important that I know it for myself.

I Learned a Lesson about Leadership Yesterday.

I learned a lesson about leadership yesterday.

We had three guys visit us from one of our main clients, Vivint. One was the regional manager and our primary contact, Phil, and the other two were introduced to us as a Sr. VP and a Senior Regional- so we knew they were a pretty big deal.

They had planned to come up for the day from Utah and check out our operations, so I asked if they could run a short meeting for the team. They showed up with donuts for everyone and I was surprised by how relatable the guys were. The meetings they ran for the team didn’t sound like it was coming from esteemed executives that are decades away from working account executive or sales positions. They sounded like advice and stories from leaders who are in-touch with every aspect of the business that they run- who genuinely value every individual who works with the Client they represent.

After meetings, we sat down with the Vivint team and talked shop for a good two hours. They emphasized over and over again that they were so impressed with what we were doing- that they want us to help them implement similar practices and they want to help us grow our own business in the process.

It didn’t feel like a business conversation. We talked and brainstormed and got excited and then talked and gameplanned some more. As the one introduced to me as the VP, Bowdy, got up to leave because his Uber has arrived, we all shook hands and hugged and agreed to meet again soon.

Once he was out of the room, someone (I don’t even remember who) asked me if I knew what Bowdy’s net worth is. I knew he was really successful and high up in Vivint, so I estimated (shooting high) 5 million. They laughed a lot and Phil responded cooly- “No- $50. And You would never guess it, huh?”

$50 MILLION? I am surrounded by successful people often and very rarely attribute their level of success directly to their net worth. But $50 million? That’s a different level. That’s double the network of Colin Caepernick and Emma Stone. It’s more that Joel Osteen and Judge Judy. It’s equal to Hugh Hefner’s net worth when he died.

$50 million and this person just took the day to fly and visit OUR office. This person just played a silly game called Pyramid game with out team. This person just sat and listened and asked questions and gave praise and made suggestions and got excited with us as if there is no difference in our levels success at all.

When I first started in this industry, I was always told that it should be my mission to “wow” the client. I never imagined that we’d end up working with a client that was equally impressed on “wowing” us.

Imagine if we all treated each other like that- like we were grateful for the value each person added and genuinely interested in helping them add more. I talk a lot about how my definition of success is “to become the very best version of myself and then to help as many other people as possible become the best versions of themselves”. Yesterday, I met a team that embodies that. THAT is leadership.

In Metals They Call it “Tensile” and it Means That the Strongest Ones Can Give a Lot

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In metals they call it “tensile” and it means that​ the strongest ones can give a lot. 
They can bend and be flexible without breaking while other metals become frigid or brittle.
How powerful is that?  
To know that strength is not about how much you have, but about how much you can give?

Earn Your Seat and Earn Your Stay 

“California to require public companies to have at least one woman on their board of directors by 2019”

I think that this is good, but I want to be clear that I definitely don’t believe that this is good enough.
In my mind, this can go one of two ways:

1. The boards all add a woman (or two) because they are forced to, not because they saw the value, and little change actually occurs because the mindset is the same, which causes the women to feel resentful/defensive because no, the playing grounds aren’t fair.

2. The women who are added embrace that they are going in with the lower hand and aim to add value in as many ways as possible. They understand that the fight is not over because they got a seat, the fight has JUST started and it is one that we need to win.

My dream is this: eventually these traditional boards that are only making changes because they are being forced to will see what’s happening when their competitors have a culture and environment where women are encouraged to EARN their place. Where they can see the tremendous value that is added when that happens.

That being said, it’s not up to the men to give us power. It’s up to these strong, brilliant women to earn it, and take it, and then earn it and take it over and over again.

Day #15 of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone: 

Challenge: Celebrate the small victories.
Last year was the hardest year of my life.  

– I got a severe concussion and had to get seven staples in my head

– I got meningitis and couldn’t leave my bed for nearly two weeks

– I lost my grandma who I’m closest to

– I stopped taking my sleeping, anxiety, AND ADHD medications and went through the associated withdraws 

– I moved cities THREE times trying to get settled in my career

– I switched campaigns twice 

– I had my trust betrayed too many times to count 

– I lost myself for a while.  
I’ve never been good at celebrating small victories. So here’s my attempt at celebrating a few of the MANY things that have gone right:

1. I MADE IT TO CALIFORNIA. I thought this would take me years of planning and saving but NOPE, I made it!

2. I got to speak on stage at a conference! It was a small speech, but it was something I’ve always wanted the opportunity to do.

3. My relationship is the healthiest it’s ever been. Nelson and I have come SO FAR from where we were two years ago and, while we’re still learning about each other everyday, I’m so glad we’ve stuck together through the hard times.

4. I got not one puppy, but TWO.

5. I got a baller office that I designed myself 

6. I still believe people are good. Despite how many times I’ve gotten hurt or screwed over or betrayed, I’m not scared to trust people. I’m grateful for this mindset. 

Day #14 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:

Today I gave myself time to just master my craft in the sales field. A major role in my job involves teaching others how to do sales and developing the skills needed to excel in the field, so I spend a lot of time training others and rarely get to focus on myself and bringing in my own commissions. Today, I went to the field with the intention of challenging myself to see exactly what I’m capable of- and after five hours of being fully focused, I ended the day with 3 accounts closed and $420 in commissions. It felt weird at first feeling like an agent again, but by the end of the day my confidence was higher than it’s been in a while.