Category: Personal

Day #8 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:

Confession Time! I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this topic to anyone other than my mom, but I was bullied A TON growing up. To a point where I went on anxiety and sleeping medication when I was 13, and by the time I was in high school things were so bad that I was drinking every weekend, switching schools, and going to sleep almost every single night feeling like I was completely alone. To a point where I had to see a therapist- multiple times a week. To a point where my depression meds stopped cutting it. I remember coming home after school the day of my 17th birthday and just bawling my eyes to my mom because I didn’t know how to make it go away. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. Why the people I, at one time, considered my friends, were so cruel. Naturally, my mom knew exactly what to do, so with the promise of ice cream cake at the end, she convinced me to go on an 15 mile bike ride with her, and it was the first time that I really learned how to stop caring. As I got older, closer to 18, I started gaining the ability to deal with the bullying I was surrounded with on my own, and I did it by throwing myself into something I truly cared about- which at the time, was building my first business (Sorry I Party). I figured the bullying would change after high school, or maybe after I actually accomplished something to prove everyone else wrong- but it didn’t. However, I did. I found a way to handle it. 

Bullying is easier to talk about now than it was five years ago. We have series like “13 reasons why” to get the conversation started, and there’s a lot more education programs at schools focused around the issue.
However, for me, admitting that I was a victim of bullying is still really hard. It sounds weak- Like a cry for attention. It’s beyond uncomfortable. But I know that I want to help people in the future who are experiencing these things, so I’m hoping they can learn from some of the lessons I’ve had to learn the hard way. So this is me- putting myself out there- and if anyone, ANYONE, ever needs someone to talk to or someone to listen, send me a message. I’m all ears.

As for my advice, here is goes,

Things I’ve learned from getting bullied:

1. The other person/people is coming from a place of pain. It’s a well-known fact that people who are bullies were once bullied themselves- so learning how to practice a sense of empathy for the people who treated me so poorly helped me gain some perspective.

2. It’s not personal. Even when it seems like it is. Even when everything is directed at you. Bullying is never about the person being bullied and what’s wrong with them, it’s about the bullies own ego and desire for power/control. The meaner the comments, the lower the esteem of the bully.

3. Fighting back isn’t worth it. This is really contradictory to a lot of advice given about bullying, but from my experience, it’s the truth. Responding to the comments or getting defensive is only going to fuel the bully to push even further. The best reaction is to not give them any attention at all- not in person, not on social media, not at all. Eventually they’ll get bored and move on.

4. The best way to get over being bullied is to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and focus you attention on something you care about. If someone is having a negative impact on you, just cut them out. Black and white. You don’t need them. And then do your thing. If you love to write, write. If you want to dance, dance. If you want to crotchet sweaters for kittens and sell them on eBay, then do that. But there’s nothing that discourages a bully than realizing that they are not having an impact.

5. LOVE YOURSELF! A lot of people think that bullying stops past middle school/high school. It doesn’t. There will be bullies in college. In frats/sororities/in your classes. There will be bullies in the workplace, and in the friends groups you make- even as an adult. Surprisingly enough, some people really don’t grow up. So instead of hating the bullies, just feel sorry for them. It would suck to be stuck in an adult body with a child’s mind.

Day #7 of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone Challenge:

Challenge #1: wake up at 5:30- this one was easy because my puppies were up early, and it honestly didn’t feel that different since I normally give myself a lot of time in the morning anyway. I did, however, get to work earlier than usual which was nice. Overall, nothing life-changing to report.

Challenge #2- Go a whole day without asking permission for anything- THIS one I learned a lot from, starting with the fact that I ask for A LOT more permission than I realize! It was difficult for me to catch myself beforehand the majority of the life, but I found that, as a result, I was paying a lot more attention to my conversations and it made me feel much more “present”. I spent a lot less time on my phone or having a pointless conversations and can definitely say that, by paying closer attention and being more intentional with the things I said, the conversations I had seemed of significantly higher value.
I liked this challenge, so tomorrow I’m going to follow a similar theme of being intentional with my conversations by skipping the small talk and asking people uncomfortably deep questions in what would normally be a lighter conversation.

Ex. Other person- “my grandma died last year”

Normally I’d respond “I’m so sorry”

Tomorrow I will respond “how did you feel about your grandma?”

Day #5 Of Getting Outside Of My Comfort Zone:

Today’s challenge was a TON of fun: I made friends with total strangers! I met them through a sales call and we hit it off, so after hours I went to their house and we had drinks and they taught me how to play darts and we talked and hung out for about two hours. We have a camping trip planned for two weekends from now and they let me borrow a book- so random but super cool. 

Day #4 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:

Today’s post isn’t motivational or inspiring 🙂 I tried mustard for the first time! This past year was also the first time I’d put ketchup on a hotdog or eaten tomatoes plain and I’m proud to say that I’m now a fan of all three!

Day #3 of Getting Outside of My Comfort Zone Challenge

I applied to be a Big Sister in the Big Brother Big Sister Program!  
I’ve always loved mentoring but been making excuses about not having enough time- when in reality, I definitely do. So here we go!

Day #2 Of Getting Outside Of My Comfort Zone

I don’t post much about my personal life online. The primary reason is that (for the sake of transparency) I am a business owner, and I’m not fully comfortable with the people I work with and that work for me knowing the ins and outs of my personal life. However, this month I’m challenging myself to really get out of my comfort zone, so for tonight I will make an exception.If anyone had run into me around this time last year, they probably would have been left with the impression that I had my life together. I was running my own business. I had a fancy loft downtown. I wore the suits and went to the conferences and travelled to all the pretty cities. On the outside, there’s always a lot glitz and glamour around entrepreneurship. What someone probably would not have recognized, however, was that I was going days in a row without eating. Without sleeping. That my primary diet consisted of alcohol and protein bars, and I spent hours upon hours upon hours of every week breaking down the numbers of my business, trying to understand what I was doing wrong and how I was suppose to fix it. It was the first year in my business that I took a TON of risk- and it backfired. I lost a lot of money. I burned a lot of bridges. And I wasn’t sure how to come back from it. However, I still had a business to run- and as the CEO, I could never show my fears- I had to be the brave one.

Being an entrepreneur is my favorite thing in the world. I was born for it, and I know this with every fiber in my being, but I’m making this post because I want anyone else who may ever be in the same situation that I found myself in to be able to learn from my mistakes- and know that there is a time to fight, and there is a time to leave.

Last year, I had gotten to a point where I was severely depressed. Like, bad. I had gotten a concussion earlier in the year which likely contributed, but when my business started struggling, it was as if it all caved in at once. When I turned to my superiors to seek advice, I let myself be vulnerable. I told them what I was going through- without holding anything back- and they told me that I had two options. 

1. I could quit if things were to stressful

2. I could not quit, but I couldn’t tell anyone about how I felt, because then no one would ever “respect” me.

From a business standpoint, I understand their perspective. And I do not blame them for their advice. But from a human perspective- how in the world can I run a company if all I’m doing everyday is putting up a facade? And why in the world should I have to leave the thing I love the most simply because I’m going through a hard time? Rough patches happen- ESPECIALLY in entrepreneurship- but that doesn’t mean that we’re suppose to quit. So when these were the options I was handed, I got defensive, and I decided I needed to prove myself.

So I dug myself into a deeper hole. If you’ve ever been in a corn maze at night, this was what my life had become. Except I had 20 people following me so I had to pretend like I knew where I was going and not finding a way out was simply not an option. It was so much pressure. So much stress. And so much GUILT for not being wiser, stronger, and more knowledgeable. So what did I do? I came clean. I decided to start back at the beginning.

Starting over in business was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was such a major hit to my pride and esteem and I spent about a month just feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in the guilt I felt for not being good enough.

And then I picked myself up. I moved cities, leaving behind the loft I loved so much in the city to move to Minneapolis (so cold!) into a house in the suburbs with EIGHT other people, and I spent two months rediscovering myself. I read a ton of books. I wrote A LOT. I went on runs, I meditated, and I stopped taking all forms of medication. And, slowly but surely, I found myself again.

I knew in my heart that running a business was where I needed to be. I love the connection. The challenge. The climb. The process. The wins- big and small. So I decided, despite my bruised ego, that I wasn’t going to let one bad year define me and the legacy I am creating.

So I moved to California with my boyfriend/best friend/now business partner, and I started over. I built up a new business, I found new partners, and I decided that, this time, I would do things better.  

Since I’ve moved, there’s definitely still been a fair amount of failures. Campaigns that never fully launched. Employees that left that I wish would have stayed. Months that I wish would have ended with higher margins. But I’m here. And I’m fighting. And every single day I’m growing. I’m building an office founded on principles that I’m proud of- a place where, if my father were to come and visit, I know that he would be proud to.

And do you know what else? I eat all three days a meal now- and I’ve even learned to cook (sort of). I sleep 6 hours a night without medication, I have a partner who supports me and pushes me, and two puppies that I love to come home to.

I love coming into work each day. I love the people that I work with. And if you had asked me if I had ever pictured myself being in this position a year ago, I would not have even entertained the question.

I am learning that, while this year has not been the prettiest that I’ve lived, it is my story nonetheless, and I’m proud to have lived it. In business and in life, shit happens- and there’s times to fix it, there’s times to move on, but there’s never time to waste looking back and regretting. There is only moving forward. There is only progress.

The “Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable Challenge”

It’s 11:26 PM on a Wednesday night and I’ve been putting off this blog post for the past two weeks.  What I’m about to get myself into, I know, will change my life.  That’s what challenges and adversity do to you.  But that doesn’t take away that knot in the pit on my stomach when I think about the challenge I’m about to take on. 30 days of pushing myself out of my comfort zone.  No exceptions.  No excuses. 

Two years ago, I took on this challenge, and that month was the first time I ever karaoke-d.  I swam in the ocean in Los Angelo’s in all my clothes in the middle of the night in January.  I went on adventures with strangers, hiked alone in woods that I did not know, and I learned more about myself than I ever imagined.

So the natural question to ask would be- why stop?  Why not do it every month?  I’ll tell you why.  Because as good as it feels to learn and to grow, it also feels good to stay nice and cozy and safe.  To live a life of consistency, of predictability- and while those things are great, there comes a time when the routine needs to be broken.

For me, that time has come.  So, for each day the next month, I’ll post a blog about what I did that day that, to be honest, I probably didn’t want to do.  Maybe it’ll just be a picture.  Maybe it’ll be some inspirational lesson I learned.  Maybe it’ll be an embarrassing story that I don’t actually want to talk about.  All I know is, it’s time for me to figure out what I’m made of.  So follow along on my journey- and maybe you’ll get inspired to start your own.