For the past 5 years, whenever I have been asked what my biggest weakness is, my answer has been “Intuition”. I fully believed that intuition was something you were born with- you either have it or you don’t- and I fell into the category of the latter. I thought that, maybe, I was just too optimistic for my own good- I couldn’t help but see the best in people. I thought that, maybe, I was naturally too analytical to base my own opinions or decisions on a “feeling”. And I knew that I was simply wrong- a lot– whenever I listened to my gut. So I figured that I just wasn’t one of those “intuitive” people.
I was wrong. Looking back now, it’s very clear to me that my lack of intuition had nothing to do with my inherent skills and everything to do with my lack of self-esteem. Somewhere along the lines, I had stopped trusting myself. I had been the one to quiet my gut, and I had been the one who decided it wasn’t worth listening to in the first place.
The past year for me has primarily been one of healing and growth. I’ve developed new routines (like weekly therapy, daily exercise and meditation, alone time, and a diet largely consisting of fruits and veggies) and, in the process, I’ve developed a deeper level for respect for myself. And my intuition? It’s impeccable. I can predict the craziest things now, like the exact amount of wait time at a restaurant, the next sentence someone’s going to say, and even when someone’s pulling into the office without so much as a window to check through. It’s a level of awareness that I used to be SO envious of, but never believed it was something I could obtain.
I have been a long-time subscriber of the “hustle” mentality, and while I CERTAINLY value hard work as much as I ever have, I know now that it’s not enough to just work hard on achieving goals. You have to hustle for your SELF. You have to work hard at taking care of yourself. Of loving yourself. At paying attention when you need a break and then having enough grace to take it. You have to work hard at your relationships. At your health. At developing hobbies and finding things to look forward to and ways to give back. And the best part? Most the time it doesn’t feel like work. It’s fun to build healthy relationships. It’s fun to take bubble baths and read books outside and eat food that makes you feel good. But it’s still work. And, if you ask me, I think it’s some of the most important work that you can do.
Category: Personal
I Am More Than a Scorecard
Can I make a confession?
I’ve started going to therapy.
Anyone that goes to therapy will tell you that you should go. That it will change your life and help so much and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. People say those things because it’s the truth, and I absolutely 100% agree wholeheartedly.
Can I confess something else?
I’ve realized that one of the biggest challenges I face, now and as a child, is that I am INCREDIBLY results-motivated. Growing up, this resulted in me winning a lot of basketball grades and getting excellent test scores. Growing into my career, this resulted in promotions and successful ventures and running profitable businesses. And, somewhere, along the lines, I started measuring my weight as a human being based on what I had achieved, and not necessarily on who I have become.
Well, that’s not how that works.
So- here is my new proclamation.
I am more than just what I achieve. I am not just a scorecard of wins and losses or even a running tally. I am, just as much, what I think and believe and dream of and hope for. I am what I do, how I treat others, what I stand up for, who I empower and encourage, and when I choose not to quit even when no one would blame me if I did. I am intelligent and creative and thoughtful and strong, and all of those traits are equally as important as being successful or beautiful or popular or wealthy.
It’s not up to anyone else to determine my worth, but it’s important that I know it for myself.
Failure. It’s hard to talk about.
Failure. It’s hard to talk about. Especially when we’re in our twenties and most of us haven’t achieved much yet that we are “proud” of, our failures can hang over our heads or hide in the corners of our minds, convincing us that everyone else can see them too. In business, failure is part of the game. I have failed over and over again, in both my personal and professional life, and that’s exactly what gives me the confidence and grit that I have today.
Here are some of my biggest “failures” to date:
1. I gave up on my first business (Sorry I Party).
2. I never graduated college. I had one semester left. ONE. A 3.8 GPA. And my boyfriend at the time was diagnosed with cancer. So I dropped all my classes with the intention of resuming in the spring… except that didn’t happen. My career was already advancing at that point and I felt that refocusing on school would be a step back. So I didn’t do it, and I don’t regret it. But it’s definitely something I get self-conscious about. It’s definitely something I believe that I will be judged for. And I’m learning not the care- because, at the end of the day, I learned what I needed to and I didn’t let society pressure me into doing what’s expected.
3. I chose work over family for three years because I believed someone when they told me that I had to. Que confession #2. Once my career started developing, I was told constantly that the next years of my life were about “sacrifice”. Which meant birthdays. Christmas. Phone calls home. All of it. I haven’t spent Christmas- or any real holiday- with my family since I was 21- over THREE years ago- how insane is that? Going into 2018, I committed to changing that. To rebuild those relationships and make family a priority again. And I have- just as much as I have committed to NEVER putting that kind of pressure on anyone that I work with.
4. I spent four days in the psych ward of a hospital. It was the worst four days of my life at the time but four of the best days for me in the long run. It is still hard for me to talk about, but for anyone out there who struggles with depression or anxiety or overworking yourself, I’ve been there and I’m here if you need to talk.
So there you have it! Some of the things that I’m so tempted to be ashamed of, but am slowly starting to accept as part of my story. And anyways, at the end of the day, it isn’t our failures that define us, but what we do in spite of them, right?
Day #15 of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:
Challenge: Celebrate the small victories.
Last year was the hardest year of my life.
– I got a severe concussion and had to get seven staples in my head
– I got meningitis and couldn’t leave my bed for nearly two weeks
– I lost my grandma who I’m closest to
– I stopped taking my sleeping, anxiety, AND ADHD medications and went through the associated withdraws
– I moved cities THREE times trying to get settled in my career
– I switched campaigns twice
– I had my trust betrayed too many times to count
– I lost myself for a while.
I’ve never been good at celebrating small victories. So here’s my attempt at celebrating a few of the MANY things that have gone right:
1. I MADE IT TO CALIFORNIA. I thought this would take me years of planning and saving but NOPE, I made it!
2. I got to speak on stage at a conference! It was a small speech, but it was something I’ve always wanted the opportunity to do.
3. My relationship is the healthiest it’s ever been. Nelson and I have come SO FAR from where we were two years ago and, while we’re still learning about each other everyday, I’m so glad we’ve stuck together through the hard times.
4. I got not one puppy, but TWO.
5. I got a baller office that I designed myself
6. I still believe people are good. Despite how many times I’ve gotten hurt or screwed over or betrayed, I’m not scared to trust people. I’m grateful for this mindset.
Day #14 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:
Today I gave myself time to just master my craft in the sales field. A major role in my job involves teaching others how to do sales and developing the skills needed to excel in the field, so I spend a lot of time training others and rarely get to focus on myself and bringing in my own commissions. Today, I went to the field with the intention of challenging myself to see exactly what I’m capable of- and after five hours of being fully focused, I ended the day with 3 accounts closed and $420 in commissions. It felt weird at first feeling like an agent again, but by the end of the day my confidence was higher than it’s been in a while.
Day #13 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:
Disclaimer: SUPER NERVOUS for this one.
Writing was my first love. Ever since I was little, I’d write stories of princesses and fairy tales and adventures. In school, I was the kid that got EXCITED when we were assigned a 5-page essay. And then I’d write 10 pages just for fun. I imagine everyone whose ever had an English class with me wasn’t my biggest fan at at the time.
Poetry has always been a secret love. Some private, something personal. I had a blog I started back in late middle school/early high school that I kept up with for a few years.
Now I’m deciding to share it. http://mckenzieleighc.tumblr.com
Day #12 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone: Make-Up Free, Filter-Free selfie.
Anyone who grew up with me knows that, middle school through COLLEGE, I had pretty bad skin issues. I tried every skin care product on the market, from Acutain to Proactive- and nothing really helped. I spent those 10 years imagining that IF ONLY my skin was clearer or my hair softer or my stomach flatter, then essentially none of the problems I had then would exist or matter.
Ten years later, I’ve grown out of my acne. I’m finally happy with my hair, and my weight is healthy. And all of the problems I thought would go away? They’re still there. Girls STILL make mean comments (a random number texted my boyfriend last year and said they think I’m ugly?). I STILL have days where I don’t feel good about myself. There are STILL things I wish were better.
What I understand now is that, there will never be a certain point where my problems just go away. Not a point in my career or a dollar amount in my bank account or a number of friends on my friends list. However, I’ve learned to understand what problems are worth my energy, and which ones aren’t. If someone else has a problem with me, this is not my problem, it is only there’s. And when it comes to my problems, I try and keep the perspective that, no matter what, I’ll get through it. Whether it’s one day from now or one year or maybe even ten, if you do the right things, eventually your problems take care of themselves.
Day #11 Of Getting Outside Of My Comfort Zone:
Today I forgave someone who didn’t deserve it. I made the decision to put my ego and feelings aside because I can remember a time when I wish the same would have been done for me.
Day #10 of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:
Tonight I’m going to sleep with the kitchen a mess. The food is put away, but there are dishes in the sink and spices on the counter and it makes me feel gross just thinking about it. HOWEVER, I’m trying to get better at feeling like I always need to be in control so… baby steps.
Day #9 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:
Today I took a Saturday off work when I had work too do. For those who don’t know, I’m definitely a type A personality. I enjoy my work, and I certainly don’t mind doing it, but I have a hard time doing much else if there’s still work that needs to be done. Despite that, today I took a day to enjoy the weather and the city I live in and the people around me- and, uncomfortable as it was, I’m extremely glad that I did it.
We Came To Catalyze 