I was conducting an interview today with a woman about 35 years old. She spent the majority of her time answering my questions with stories about how she is “sick of going job to job” and “living paycheck to paycheck”. She told me that she had a family to provide for and wants to be able to do so much more for them. When I got to the point in the interview where I asked her where she saw her career going five years from now, she paused. After about ten seconds, she looked back up at me and responded with “you know, I’ve never thought about having a career before. I’ve only ever had jobs. But I guess that would be nice, to have a career. I guess I’ll have to think about it”.
I was hit with the instant realization of how PRIVILEGED I am to have grown up in a setting where I was ALWAYS encouraged to think and dream and plan for what I wanted. Even now, I often forget that having the time and mental capacity to set goals and then having the energy and the drive to actually achieve them is a LUXURY. And it is one that I am eternally grateful for.
That being said, I think there’s a lot of us out there that don’t take advantage of our options. If you’re not where you want to be right now- in your career, or your relationship, or your financial situation- take an hour or two (or four) this week and really get in touch with what you want your life to look like. What type of clothes you want to wear everyday, what type of work you want to do, what kind of impact you want to have. Don’t let yourself go another decade working jobs for other people only to realize that you have no idea where you want to go next. Life is too short. You are capable of too much. Don’t settle.
Category: Entrepreneurship
How I Went From Someone With Zero Intuition to Basically Being Psychic
For the past 5 years, whenever I have been asked what my biggest weakness is, my answer has been “Intuition”. I fully believed that intuition was something you were born with- you either have it or you don’t- and I fell into the category of the latter. I thought that, maybe, I was just too optimistic for my own good- I couldn’t help but see the best in people. I thought that, maybe, I was naturally too analytical to base my own opinions or decisions on a “feeling”. And I knew that I was simply wrong- a lot– whenever I listened to my gut. So I figured that I just wasn’t one of those “intuitive” people.
I was wrong. Looking back now, it’s very clear to me that my lack of intuition had nothing to do with my inherent skills and everything to do with my lack of self-esteem. Somewhere along the lines, I had stopped trusting myself. I had been the one to quiet my gut, and I had been the one who decided it wasn’t worth listening to in the first place.
The past year for me has primarily been one of healing and growth. I’ve developed new routines (like weekly therapy, daily exercise and meditation, alone time, and a diet largely consisting of fruits and veggies) and, in the process, I’ve developed a deeper level for respect for myself. And my intuition? It’s impeccable. I can predict the craziest things now, like the exact amount of wait time at a restaurant, the next sentence someone’s going to say, and even when someone’s pulling into the office without so much as a window to check through. It’s a level of awareness that I used to be SO envious of, but never believed it was something I could obtain.
I have been a long-time subscriber of the “hustle” mentality, and while I CERTAINLY value hard work as much as I ever have, I know now that it’s not enough to just work hard on achieving goals. You have to hustle for your SELF. You have to work hard at taking care of yourself. Of loving yourself. At paying attention when you need a break and then having enough grace to take it. You have to work hard at your relationships. At your health. At developing hobbies and finding things to look forward to and ways to give back. And the best part? Most the time it doesn’t feel like work. It’s fun to build healthy relationships. It’s fun to take bubble baths and read books outside and eat food that makes you feel good. But it’s still work. And, if you ask me, I think it’s some of the most important work that you can do.
I Am More Than a Scorecard
Can I make a confession?
I’ve started going to therapy.
Anyone that goes to therapy will tell you that you should go. That it will change your life and help so much and that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. People say those things because it’s the truth, and I absolutely 100% agree wholeheartedly.
Can I confess something else?
I’ve realized that one of the biggest challenges I face, now and as a child, is that I am INCREDIBLY results-motivated. Growing up, this resulted in me winning a lot of basketball grades and getting excellent test scores. Growing into my career, this resulted in promotions and successful ventures and running profitable businesses. And, somewhere, along the lines, I started measuring my weight as a human being based on what I had achieved, and not necessarily on who I have become.
Well, that’s not how that works.
So- here is my new proclamation.
I am more than just what I achieve. I am not just a scorecard of wins and losses or even a running tally. I am, just as much, what I think and believe and dream of and hope for. I am what I do, how I treat others, what I stand up for, who I empower and encourage, and when I choose not to quit even when no one would blame me if I did. I am intelligent and creative and thoughtful and strong, and all of those traits are equally as important as being successful or beautiful or popular or wealthy.
It’s not up to anyone else to determine my worth, but it’s important that I know it for myself.
I Learned a Lesson about Leadership Yesterday.
I learned a lesson about leadership yesterday.
We had three guys visit us from one of our main clients, Vivint. One was the regional manager and our primary contact, Phil, and the other two were introduced to us as a Sr. VP and a Senior Regional- so we knew they were a pretty big deal.
They had planned to come up for the day from Utah and check out our operations, so I asked if they could run a short meeting for the team. They showed up with donuts for everyone and I was surprised by how relatable the guys were. The meetings they ran for the team didn’t sound like it was coming from esteemed executives that are decades away from working account executive or sales positions. They sounded like advice and stories from leaders who are in-touch with every aspect of the business that they run- who genuinely value every individual who works with the Client they represent.
After meetings, we sat down with the Vivint team and talked shop for a good two hours. They emphasized over and over again that they were so impressed with what we were doing- that they want us to help them implement similar practices and they want to help us grow our own business in the process.
It didn’t feel like a business conversation. We talked and brainstormed and got excited and then talked and gameplanned some more. As the one introduced to me as the VP, Bowdy, got up to leave because his Uber has arrived, we all shook hands and hugged and agreed to meet again soon.
Once he was out of the room, someone (I don’t even remember who) asked me if I knew what Bowdy’s net worth is. I knew he was really successful and high up in Vivint, so I estimated (shooting high) 5 million. They laughed a lot and Phil responded cooly- “No- $50. And You would never guess it, huh?”
$50 MILLION? I am surrounded by successful people often and very rarely attribute their level of success directly to their net worth. But $50 million? That’s a different level. That’s double the network of Colin Caepernick and Emma Stone. It’s more that Joel Osteen and Judge Judy. It’s equal to Hugh Hefner’s net worth when he died.
$50 million and this person just took the day to fly and visit OUR office. This person just played a silly game called Pyramid game with out team. This person just sat and listened and asked questions and gave praise and made suggestions and got excited with us as if there is no difference in our levels success at all.
When I first started in this industry, I was always told that it should be my mission to “wow” the client. I never imagined that we’d end up working with a client that was equally impressed on “wowing” us.
Imagine if we all treated each other like that- like we were grateful for the value each person added and genuinely interested in helping them add more. I talk a lot about how my definition of success is “to become the very best version of myself and then to help as many other people as possible become the best versions of themselves”. Yesterday, I met a team that embodies that. THAT is leadership.
Failure. It’s hard to talk about.
Failure. It’s hard to talk about. Especially when we’re in our twenties and most of us haven’t achieved much yet that we are “proud” of, our failures can hang over our heads or hide in the corners of our minds, convincing us that everyone else can see them too. In business, failure is part of the game. I have failed over and over again, in both my personal and professional life, and that’s exactly what gives me the confidence and grit that I have today.
Here are some of my biggest “failures” to date:
1. I gave up on my first business (Sorry I Party).
2. I never graduated college. I had one semester left. ONE. A 3.8 GPA. And my boyfriend at the time was diagnosed with cancer. So I dropped all my classes with the intention of resuming in the spring… except that didn’t happen. My career was already advancing at that point and I felt that refocusing on school would be a step back. So I didn’t do it, and I don’t regret it. But it’s definitely something I get self-conscious about. It’s definitely something I believe that I will be judged for. And I’m learning not the care- because, at the end of the day, I learned what I needed to and I didn’t let society pressure me into doing what’s expected.
3. I chose work over family for three years because I believed someone when they told me that I had to. Que confession #2. Once my career started developing, I was told constantly that the next years of my life were about “sacrifice”. Which meant birthdays. Christmas. Phone calls home. All of it. I haven’t spent Christmas- or any real holiday- with my family since I was 21- over THREE years ago- how insane is that? Going into 2018, I committed to changing that. To rebuild those relationships and make family a priority again. And I have- just as much as I have committed to NEVER putting that kind of pressure on anyone that I work with.
4. I spent four days in the psych ward of a hospital. It was the worst four days of my life at the time but four of the best days for me in the long run. It is still hard for me to talk about, but for anyone out there who struggles with depression or anxiety or overworking yourself, I’ve been there and I’m here if you need to talk.
So there you have it! Some of the things that I’m so tempted to be ashamed of, but am slowly starting to accept as part of my story. And anyways, at the end of the day, it isn’t our failures that define us, but what we do in spite of them, right?
Day #14 Of Getting Out Of My Comfort Zone:
Today I gave myself time to just master my craft in the sales field. A major role in my job involves teaching others how to do sales and developing the skills needed to excel in the field, so I spend a lot of time training others and rarely get to focus on myself and bringing in my own commissions. Today, I went to the field with the intention of challenging myself to see exactly what I’m capable of- and after five hours of being fully focused, I ended the day with 3 accounts closed and $420 in commissions. It felt weird at first feeling like an agent again, but by the end of the day my confidence was higher than it’s been in a while.
Day #3 of Getting Outside of My Comfort Zone Challenge
I applied to be a Big Sister in the Big Brother Big Sister Program!
I’ve always loved mentoring but been making excuses about not having enough time- when in reality, I definitely do. So here we go!
Day #2 Of Getting Outside Of My Comfort Zone
I don’t post much about my personal life online. The primary reason is that (for the sake of transparency) I am a business owner, and I’m not fully comfortable with the people I work with and that work for me knowing the ins and outs of my personal life. However, this month I’m challenging myself to really get out of my comfort zone, so for tonight I will make an exception.If anyone had run into me around this time last year, they probably would have been left with the impression that I had my life together. I was running my own business. I had a fancy loft downtown. I wore the suits and went to the conferences and travelled to all the pretty cities. On the outside, there’s always a lot glitz and glamour around entrepreneurship. What someone probably would not have recognized, however, was that I was going days in a row without eating. Without sleeping. That my primary diet consisted of alcohol and protein bars, and I spent hours upon hours upon hours of every week breaking down the numbers of my business, trying to understand what I was doing wrong and how I was suppose to fix it. It was the first year in my business that I took a TON of risk- and it backfired. I lost a lot of money. I burned a lot of bridges. And I wasn’t sure how to come back from it. However, I still had a business to run- and as the CEO, I could never show my fears- I had to be the brave one.
Being an entrepreneur is my favorite thing in the world. I was born for it, and I know this with every fiber in my being, but I’m making this post because I want anyone else who may ever be in the same situation that I found myself in to be able to learn from my mistakes- and know that there is a time to fight, and there is a time to leave.
Last year, I had gotten to a point where I was severely depressed. Like, bad. I had gotten a concussion earlier in the year which likely contributed, but when my business started struggling, it was as if it all caved in at once. When I turned to my superiors to seek advice, I let myself be vulnerable. I told them what I was going through- without holding anything back- and they told me that I had two options.
1. I could quit if things were to stressful
2. I could not quit, but I couldn’t tell anyone about how I felt, because then no one would ever “respect” me.
From a business standpoint, I understand their perspective. And I do not blame them for their advice. But from a human perspective- how in the world can I run a company if all I’m doing everyday is putting up a facade? And why in the world should I have to leave the thing I love the most simply because I’m going through a hard time? Rough patches happen- ESPECIALLY in entrepreneurship- but that doesn’t mean that we’re suppose to quit. So when these were the options I was handed, I got defensive, and I decided I needed to prove myself.
So I dug myself into a deeper hole. If you’ve ever been in a corn maze at night, this was what my life had become. Except I had 20 people following me so I had to pretend like I knew where I was going and not finding a way out was simply not an option. It was so much pressure. So much stress. And so much GUILT for not being wiser, stronger, and more knowledgeable. So what did I do? I came clean. I decided to start back at the beginning.
Starting over in business was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was such a major hit to my pride and esteem and I spent about a month just feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in the guilt I felt for not being good enough.
And then I picked myself up. I moved cities, leaving behind the loft I loved so much in the city to move to Minneapolis (so cold!) into a house in the suburbs with EIGHT other people, and I spent two months rediscovering myself. I read a ton of books. I wrote A LOT. I went on runs, I meditated, and I stopped taking all forms of medication. And, slowly but surely, I found myself again.
I knew in my heart that running a business was where I needed to be. I love the connection. The challenge. The climb. The process. The wins- big and small. So I decided, despite my bruised ego, that I wasn’t going to let one bad year define me and the legacy I am creating.
So I moved to California with my boyfriend/best friend/now business partner, and I started over. I built up a new business, I found new partners, and I decided that, this time, I would do things better.
Since I’ve moved, there’s definitely still been a fair amount of failures. Campaigns that never fully launched. Employees that left that I wish would have stayed. Months that I wish would have ended with higher margins. But I’m here. And I’m fighting. And every single day I’m growing. I’m building an office founded on principles that I’m proud of- a place where, if my father were to come and visit, I know that he would be proud to.
And do you know what else? I eat all three days a meal now- and I’ve even learned to cook (sort of). I sleep 6 hours a night without medication, I have a partner who supports me and pushes me, and two puppies that I love to come home to.
I love coming into work each day. I love the people that I work with. And if you had asked me if I had ever pictured myself being in this position a year ago, I would not have even entertained the question.
I am learning that, while this year has not been the prettiest that I’ve lived, it is my story nonetheless, and I’m proud to have lived it. In business and in life, shit happens- and there’s times to fix it, there’s times to move on, but there’s never time to waste looking back and regretting. There is only moving forward. There is only progress.
Swimming In the Deep End
I ask people every single day what their definition of success is. There is no right answer to this question- what I’m looking for is to determine whether or not this person knows what they want. So often, I am met with mediocre answers. I want “security”. “Stability”. We have some dreamers who will tell me about their five-year-plan for their personal island and their Lambo. My favorite answer I’ve ever received was a girl who looked me dead in the eyes and said “You know what? I want to be a dog walker. That’d make me really happy. To make enough money where I can just retire and walk dogs all day”. At least she knew what she wanted.
I have always considered my leadership style to be as a “visionary” leader. I have big plans. I want big things. I want to help 10 people become millionaires before I’m 30. I want to open Catalyst Headquarters as a resource and mentorship center for underprivileged teens. I want to help as many people as possible become the very best version of themselves- or at least a better version from before they met me. I want to make my father proud. I want to help other parents make their children proud and vice versa. I want to inspire. I want to create. And, most of all, I want to catalyze change. I want to be the spark; I want to make the difference.
However, up until recently, I had a different idea for how I’d accomplish these plans. I thought “I’ll make a lot of money and then buy my dreams”. “I’ll network hard and have all the connections and when the time is right, things will just happen”. NOPE. It occurred to me recently, when I was asked what I actually need, right now, to get to where I want to be in the future, that there is not a dollar amount that can get me there. There’s not a mentor I can find or a book I can read or mark I can hit with my company where I will suddenly be “qualified” to help more people. I am starting to realize that, to accomplish my goals, I have to become the right person. And that person cannot just “get lucky”. I think this is why I am so attracted to chaos. Man, do I love it when everything goes wrong. Screw the lifevest, I want to learn how to swim with the undertow. Throw me in the fire, watch the way that I spit back. I find peace in the knowledge that, when the storm subsides, I’ll be better off because it hit. I’ll be stronger, smart, and I’ll be more prepared.
I got lucky in my first few business ventures. I designed a clothing line and it ended up on MTV. I created a Twitter account at just the right time to hit 80k followers in 4 months. I worked harder than any 17-year-old I’ve ever met, but I got lucky too. And what happened was, when I turned 20 and had a business that was exploding underneath me, I had no idea what to do with it because I wasn’t the right person to take it to the next level- and I took that personally. Because it was personal. I wasn’t good enough yet. I didn’t know enough. I had spent the last three years trying to hide that, and now it was becoming more and more clear. I was underqualified and for that reason, my success was limited.
I suppose that, now, this is what I fear. I hate the quote about how “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” because I’m definitely not scared to win- but am I scared to win too soon? Yeah, I suppose I am. For that reason, I have continued to hold myself back. I swim laps in the shallow end. I build up my muscles and my endurance but I never test them out. I still play safe. How will I know when I’m ready for the deep end? I suppose when I decide to try it.
So this is my proclamation: deep end, Here. I. Come. If I sink, I will not drown and if I swim, it will not be on the back of someone else. I used to be so scared to swim too close to the edge because I thought that that is where the sharks hide, so instead, I will become the shark.
My Top 4 Core Values
When it comes to protecting company culture, I think the biggest mistake a CEO can make is letting employees stick around that have values or a vision that doesn’t align with the company’s. It’s so crucial that a company be consistent from the roots to the surface, and for that to happen, a company has to know what it stands for- and why. For that reason, I think one of the most important questions any entrepreneur or individual can ask himself or herself is “What are my core values?” AKA- “What am I absolutely unwilling to compromise for? At the end of the day, regardless of how much money is in the bank, what do I care about? What do I stand for? What is the very most important to me?” I promise, our answers are probably completely different, and that’s totally fine. The most important part is that you know what yours are- and that you don’t compromise on them.
Value #1: Intimacy
Whenever I tell anyone my top value is intimacy, I am almost always met with a look of confusion (with a quick attempt to then cover it up). However, I’ve evaluated over and over again, and this is the value that always comes out on top. There are two reasons why. 1. I live off of human connection. There’s nothing I love more than having a conversation with someone and finding out we find some random childhood memory or favorite meal or secret belief about the Universe in common. For me, human connection is what makes the world go round. I’m a pro at networking events- mostly because I go in so insanely open-minded that I don’t ever run into the issue of “pre-judging” someone. Do I occasionally spend too long talking to someone who has absolutely nothing to offer me or my company because I liked his or her ice breaker? Maybe. Do I always remember the icebreakers so I can steal them? Absolutely- and I don’t feel a tad guilty about it because I paid my dues. Interacting with people gives me energy, connecting with them gives me life. 2. For as long as I remember, I have felt like I have an obligation in this life to become the very best version of myself and to help as many people as possible become the best version of themselves possible. In order to do this, there has to be a level of intimacy established first. I can’t help someone become better if I don’t truly understand where we are starting and what we starting with. There’s a needed sense of vulnerability and openness, and the word “intimacy” is how I describe this interaction. I’d prefer someone coming to me and say “Hi, I’m 24, 2 kids, broke and 2 credit cards overdue- and I missed the car payment last week- I want to start over. I’m willing to work as hard as I need to. Can you help me get started? Than “Hi, I’m 24, majored in strategic communications, I am an entrepreneur at heart and love sports because I love to win. I’m interested in applying for a job” ANY day. The first person told me what I needed to know to know how to help. The second person strung together a few clichés that let me know absolutely nothing about who they are as a human being. What I’ve found is the trick to making sure my “intimacy” value is being fed on a normal basis is to constantly put myself situations when intimacy can arise. Again, that may sound bad- but it’s the truth. If I want intimacy from others, I know that sometimes I have to ask for it. I may have to ask what’s wrong. I may have to ask why they believe a certain thing. And I always have to willing to be vulnerable myself. I may have to ask for help. I may have to admit I’m scared.
Value #2: Tenacity
I love tenacity as much as I hate it’s opposite. It’s why I love underdogs and hate layups. It’s in my DNA. I don’t have any respect for the easy path- it’s probably why I’ve forced myself down the hard one so many times, only to come out bleeding and out of breathe on the other side, but out nonetheless. When I’m considering business partners, one of the first things I look for is someone who I know won’t go running when things get hard. I want someone who loves the rough patches as much as I do. Whose adrenaline pumps at the “storm warning”. Who understands that rocky seas make much better sailors than the smooth seas do. There is nothing I respect more than someone who can take a beating and get back up in the midst of their shame and get back on their grind without saying a single thing. It’s the perfect combination of desire, discipline, and determination.
Value #3: Vision
I’ve always been a “dreamer”. Always. I’ve spent my entire life getting told to “be more realistic”. Do you know where it’s gotten me? Everywhere I’ve gone so far. I knew I had the heart of an entrepreneur, so when I was 18, I opened my own business. I had no idea what I was doing, but I had $500 to start with from a car insurance payout, and I had a vision of what I wanted my life to be like- and it started with me taking things into my own hands. When I watch basketball, the players I enjoy the most aren’t the ones who hit all the three’s or go for the foul- they’re the players that see the plays before they happen. Whose court sense is so on point, they can pass the ball with their eyes closed to an empty spot on the court and tell you who is going to catch it. It’s why I first loved Kobe. It’s why I loved watching him and Nash. When someone has vision, they understand the game on a deeper level- and they know what they need to do without every being told because they understand they’re still writing their legacy with every play they make.
Value #4: Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is still an interesting concept for me. I don’t think I had any idea it existed until I started working with people on an everyday basis and learned that, in order to help someone, I have to be able to communicate with them. And this doesn’t just mean in English- I have to speak their variation. I have to speak their language. In sports, it was easy. Almost everyone is motivated by 1. Being the best (and recognition for it) 2. Beating the competition. In real life, what people are motivated by can totally differ based on how old they are or what stage of their life they’re in or who they are as a human being. Developing emotional intelligence helps a leader not only tap into this, but also know how to respond. For instance- because I have developed some sort of emotional intelligence, I know that if I have a “yellow” on my team- someone who is naturally more emotional and sensitive- they probably won’t be as motivated by incentives- and even less by challenges- but will react great to positive feedback and, if I develop a strong relationship, will put forth their best just to help the team and make me proud. I could have never concluded that four years ago, even though I’ve lived surrounded by yellow’s my whole life. Emotional Intelligence is crazy and quite possibly the biggest key to success other than hard work.
Knowing my values helps me understand my everyday life. If things are going good in my professional life but I don’t feel satisfied, one of my values likely isn’t fully met. Or maybe it’s conflicted. Whatever it is, knowing what I care about helps me making everyday decisions with a little bit more ease. So know that you know mine, what are yours?
We Came To Catalyze 